So, time for a few quick social thoughts before I retire for the evening. This is half negative, half positive:
People definitely change. A lot of the people I was delighted to hang out with in my 20’s I now feel are really not my type. They get disqualified on the grounds of:
- Being too groupy / laddish / ladettish.
- Being controlling or playing games.
- Being unaccepting of who I am.
- Trying to get something for nothing.
- Being overly critical. (Software developers fall into this category regularly – it works well for the job, not for social things).
- Flipping their lid when they didn’t get the desired outcome having not explained what it was they expected to happen in the first place.
- Relying on hearsay and groupthink rather than forming their own judgements and making their own decisions.
On the flip side, I have also been somewhat inspired by a few members of the public (and not so public) who have done really good things:
- Offered advice.
- Or encouragement.
- Or kept silent when further volume did not seem to change things.
- Or indicated assent or provided help when I wasn’t sure.
- Or provided wisdom and research on possible next steps and options.
Interestingly, most of them feel it’s a touch to early to do much in the way of consolation….
Not to raise class issues too much, but there are some aspiring working class people (I am thinking gym instructors, and a few local business managers), who have been absolutely excellent in that respect, and mostly uncomplaining of the trials that life throws them.
I still go out to the pub occasionally, and probably shouldn’t: It’s loneliness.
So, anyway, I have started online dating (again), and yes, it is very hit and miss. I’ve met a few people, some of which are looking for prince charming, and perhaps not being so realistic, and some which seem not to get the principle of reciprocity (you scratch my back …, and additionally, we’ll share 50% of the time / cost / burden / travel). And yes, in your 40’s it definitely gets harder. Looking back at the 20’s and 30’s – I should have been less shy, and making more friends would have been a piece of cake.
I’m still having a little difficulty working out why I didn’t get what I wanted in my 30’s. I definitely got run around more than I should have been, and some people I met were definitely a touch vindictive. I should probably have been more assertive. I didn’t get a single thing I wanted in my 30’s, and am back where I was then with somewhat less time to run in life.
Anything else: I’m taking a fair bit of criticism on the chin at the moment, and less than ideal attitudes. Most events that have transpired have not been under my control. I guess I will just have to roll with it. I don’t think I’m going to get the standard of life I originally expected, but things are definitely improvable.
PS. If you think I’m just fab, but should lose a couple of pounds, do please politely remind me to do more exercise (in a positive and encouraging fashion). My scales tell me I’m about five or six kilos above my ideal weight. I’m not surprised – I have been sitting on my arse a bit.